How to NOT take an Unreturned Text Personally

 In Uncategorised

You send a text.

You hear nothing back.

5 minutes…

They must not be near their phone.

15 minutes…

They’ll get back to me soon.

2 hours…

They must be super busy.

24 hours…

Hmmm maybe something happened to them?!

4 days…

It only takes second to return a message…am I being ghosted?


And so it goes…the dreaded return text message that never comes.

Do you ever take this personally?

Do you ever wonder what to do – send a message back, leave it alone or just stay in resentment?

I have wondered and so I think maybe you have too.

So what do we do in these situations where we don’t get the message back that we feel we need or want?

I respond in a few different ways:

  1. Send a cute emoji as a reminder
  2. Send a funny message that shows I care and isn’t too serious about the no text back
  3. Leave it for awhile – if I can
  4. Create 5 different stores in my head and choose the one that serves me best

I want to talk about #4 because this personal response has served me well when I don’t get a text back.

Create 5 different stores in my head and choose the one that serves me best

In my experience, people often read a text when they’re in the middle of something and forget to return it in due time.

Unless it is very important in the moment, they will leave it.

The tough part, at least with iphones, is that there is no way to label a text as ‘unread’ once you read it, so we often have to scroll down through messages and look for the ones that need to be returned.

When I don’t return a message in due time, by no means does it mean I don’t care – I just got distracted by something else that was more important in the moment.

Now even though I do that pretty often, there are times when I STILL wonder why I didn’t get a text back.  I give people grace and I also like to create a meaning in my mind that involves the quality I choose to live into.  This meaning or quality serves me (and could serve you) in processing the unreturned message.

I think of 5 possible (and sometimes comical) scenarios as to why they didn’t text back.

For example:

  1. They are extremely busy and are waiting for a time to respond with a quality text back
  2. They forgot in the midst of life’s busy-ness
  3. An emergency came up with family and they haven’t been focused on returning messages
  4. Aliens came and abducted them (okay this one just makes me giggle and we all need a laugh sometimes 😉
  5. They don’t feel a need to respond because the conversation wasn’t going anywhere specific or a question was not asked


As a quality-driven person who chooses into those traits that define her, instead of being swayed by circumstance, I choose the scenario or meaning that serves me most at the time.

This meaning is usually one of the following:

  1. They are either extremely busy and tied up in their own life.
  2. They want to respond with a quality message so are waiting until they have time to really sit and compose it.

The latter is usually the reason why I don’t respond quickly, so that’s my go-to meaning when others don’t respond in due time (or the time I expected them to).

This timing we put on things is a huge reason why we get upset when we don’t get a message back – we think that people should respond within a certain time-frame.  This is often not realistic.  Setting different expectations can help a lot in this area.

Disclaimer: I haven’t returned a text message to a friend that I love dearly in over a month.  I think about texting her every few days and she’s the type of person I would talk to every day.  I have no reason as to why I haven’t written back, except that I really want to write back a meaningful message and haven’t sat down to do it.

Have I had the time?  Yes

Do I love her to pieces?  Yes

Have I returned the message?  No

Does it mean anything about her?  Absolutely not

She is one of the most important people in my life and yet I haven’t made the time and have no real reason for not doing so.

This is how simple it can be.

It has nothing to do with her and who she is as a person.  It is about me and my own stuff going on (life, child, husband, work, goals, blogging, etc).

So, when this happens to me I can sympathize, create a meaning that serves me and not take it personally.

Train your mind to see the good in everything.  Positivity is a choice.  The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

When I choose to live in the qualities of CONFIDENCE, TRUST AND WORTHINESS, I know that people love me and want to connect with me – sometimes there is no reason that they haven’t – it’s just life.

My encouragement is if you haven’t received a message back and this person is important to you, send another one.

Make it fun, show them you care and know that you are worth it.

You are an AMAZING, UNIQUE and LOVABLE human being so don’t be afraid to reach out again.

If it’s not urgent, maybe give it a day or two before you send another message – giving people space to live their life is just a kind thing to do.

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